Potential

Falling for someone or something's potential is almost like a trap we voluntarily put ourselves in and is probably one of the most blinding ways we commit self-sabotage. Granted here I am committing this awful crime we humans do to ourselves fully aware of it all, and yet somehow instead of getting myself out of it, I’d rather just keep pleading guilty.

This week I was in Vancouver for work. I went to the famous suspension bridge and it was all decked out in Christmas lights, which was just stunning. But the whole time I was there all I could think about was how great it would be if I could be there with Colorado man. For those who don't know Colorado Man is the man I'm currently in long-distance situationship with.

Although it was a sweet idea, it made me realize that the best thoughts I have of him in my head are the “what if” or the “I can't wait” thoughts. To further explain, the idea of what we could be or what I believe we possibly would be when I’m back home with him or when we are finally together, are better thoughts than the memories of when we've actually been together. The memories I want to make with him are better than the ones I do have with him, so do I keep hope in us that they will actually happen? Or do I just move on?

I think it can be harder to move on from someone that you wanted to work with so badly than someone who you did work out with. I mean you have no memories to look back on and be grateful for just the memories you wanted to make and now have just given up on which can be more heartbreaking, than realizing it's not working with someone who has committed to you.

The same goes for giving up on dreams, which I would never advise to anyone. It’s just sad that we can fall in love an idea in our heard that we put so much effort into and then what? It all goes to waste? That's why I think it’s a similar but different type of heart break. I mean look at me with this blog, I’ve fallen in love with the idea that lots of people would read and relate to it, how heartbreaking would it be for me to stop writing just because I've lost hope, but  who knows if I just would've waited one more week some influencer could have read it and made it popular. And there it is the potential we're falling for.

As a strong dream believer, I obviously have a dream relationship, a dream wedding, and a dream husband, but maybe all of this is being wished upon the wrong man.

When do we say the potential is just potential? To not depend on it, and see the situation for the situation itself only. Because when we stop leaning on that made-up idea in our idea it probably will just all crumble. So I guess it's fear that's holding us all back.

I mean it’s definitely holding me back I'm driving six hours to go see a man who isn’t even my boyfriend after talking with him for over a year. Wish me luck.